Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
