is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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