Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
