were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
