his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
