ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
