if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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