dude i'm inner monologue high
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
