You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
