Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
