no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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