Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
