ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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