Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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