my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
