She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
