she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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