She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
