In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
