Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
