I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
