grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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