Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
