I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
