i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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