is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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