I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
