don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
