defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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