everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
