tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
