I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
