That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Holy sore nipples Batman
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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