Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
