Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
