i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
