I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
