I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
