I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
