how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
