it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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