He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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