I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Mom said you looked used
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
