my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
