Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
