You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
