youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she looked like the before picture.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
