Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
