I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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