you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
