I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
