I wish I could teleport
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
