tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
